est. 2007

Ulex Ordinaire 55 Absinthe Review:

-55% abv, .7 litre ( .1 litre shown...because really, why would I buy a full bottle of this shit?)

-Country of Origin: Germany

-Potentially the cure for cancer

The term "medicinal" isn't always necessarily a bad thing, but in this case it's medicinal to the point of being...sterile.  This simply MUST be the cure for something, because it looks like medicine and smells patent-infringing close to the disinfecting wipes used before the doctor jams a needle into your arm.  But medicines ranging from cough syrup to Vicodin never taste good, and Ulex Ordinaire 55 is no exception...

There's some very obvious dried sugar on the cap, but like a week old meatloaf, a sprinkle of sugar isn't going to help a damn thing here.  Taking a whiff, my nostrils are immediately met with unpleasantness.  A bittersweet, chalky, burnt aroma with too much alcohol for a 55.  Close the cap once you’ve finished pouring (hopefully for the first and last time) as not to disturb the neighbours.

The louche is decent enough, but ends up a swampy-brownish colour...as if this wasn't unappetizing enough thus far.

At a 2:1 ratio it was much too alcoholic, and at close to the 3 parts water dilution not much better.  It drinks a little syrupy from the sugar, but thankfully not the literal sludge that is Tabu.  The flavour consists of some poor quality wormwood and anise all doped up with sugar and put out its misery by a terribly dry, bitter lingering.  Angelique haters, if you haven't yet tasted the horror that is Ulex 55 I had better not hear another negative word uttered about bitterness until you've finished a glass of this crap. The sip begins with mostly anise and a little coriander, but is very quickly overtaken by the poor-quality wormwood that is, apparently, inescapable.  Aaaand there's not really much else to say here.  Maybe now someone can put me out of MY misery; where's Dr. Kevorkian when you need the creepy old bastard?

I could probably go on to explain the finer details like the quality of the louche, colour after louche, mouth feel, etc but...nah, I won't waste your time.  It probably doesn't help that I'm feeling lazy during my few weeks of vacation time, either.  Dump it if you have it (poor sap), and stay away from the "order now" button if you don't.

Even after extensive testing I'm still not sure what this is supposed to cure, but one thing is for sure: the most common side effect is nausea.

Other notes:  Why would you even read this far when you know from the first few sentences it's going to be terrible? What part of "medicines ranging from cough syrup to Vicodin never taste good, and Ulex odinaire 55 is no exception" didn't you understand?

Presentation: 2.0

Louche: 4.0

Taste: 2.0

Value: 3.5

Overall: 2.0

Published 6/02/2008