est. 2007

Absente Absinthe Refined Review (Faux Absinthe):

-55% alcohol, .75 litre

-Country of Origin: France

-Faux Absinthe

The name Absente means “absent”, in this case referring to the absence of grande wormwood, therefore keeping it from being a genuine absinthe.  This is an absinthe substitute that was produced specifically for the US before our ban was lifted.  But everything’s changed now, and quite frankly…we don’t need you anymore Absente.  Just a second,…actually we never did, and now you’re downright unwanted.

There is an undeniable lime colour that quickly draws to question if this absinthe didn’t have a bit of help from artificial colouring agents…a peek at the back label confirms this suspicion.  Uncorking the bottle reveals largely alcohol and anise.  I must admit they have a fancy little packaging arrangement that surely fools countless lost souls into her grasp.  You can give an ugly man a suit and tie, but he’ll still be an ugly man at the end of the day…

A good absintheur should know right away that the fancy-shmancy absinthe spoon that comes bundled along with the bottle won’t be of any use here; it’s absurdly sweet to the point of being nauseating and drinks a little rough for being a 55.  Almost total anise, yet has a blank, bitter aftertaste.  If you didn’t already know the difference between grande and petite wormwood before, you certainly will after trying this.  Petite wormwood is an ingredient in most other brands of absinthe alongside grande wormwood, but trying to stand on its own just doesn’t work.  Having sub-par commercial quality herbs doesn’t help anything, either.  Just a really weak, shadow of a taste.

Keeping this on the market is bad for several reasons:

1.)    The mediocrity of its louche tells the story that the famed “louche” is really not all that spectacular.

2.)    The “Absente” title only serves to further confuse.  Nowhere on the bottle does it explain what “absinthe refined” means or why it is called “absente” instead of absinthe, or that it is an absinthe SUBSTITUTE for the US market, though there is some vague description in small letters on the website.

3.)     Its simplicity holds too much of the “it tastes like black licorice” stereotype.  Those Good & Plenty references come from people who have drank Absente (and only Absente) will actually sound credible!  There are, of course, other flavours here, but the untrained palate isn’t going to recognize them.

4.)    If prepared 1:1 with sugar as suggested on the label (and you can be sure most newcomers will follow this to a t), people are going to think absinthe is an insanely sweet mess of flavours that is beyond the reach of any real lasting appeal.  Prepared 1:1 with sugar…I haven’t heard anything this ridiculous since Liquoristerie de Provence wanted me to prepare Versinthe 45 with 10 parts water!  But being the recommended preparation I decided to give it a try.  I say it with confidence when I proclaim that it is very, very bad served like this.  An anise-y blandness made worse by the sugary, alcoholic mess.  Leaves your mouth dry and bitter for quite some time.  WOW, I don’t like this.

5.)    It seems to market absinthe in a way that it should seem like a novelty, some unearthed relic of a recipe, rather than an alcoholic beverage that has the potential to enter the mainstream.

6.)    Because it shares a VERY similar label as the EU version, the uneducated will undoubtedly run into further confusion.

Now that real absinthe is here there’s really not much point in buying this half-assed, faux rubbish, now is there?  Your hard-earned cash would be more wisely spent at Lo-Dong’s Chinese restaurant down the block, the one with the special ingredient in every dish…

Other notes:  When I said adding sugar makes it nauseatingly sweet I wasn’t kidding; I literally became nauseous by the time I reached the end of the one glass I prepared with sugar!  It’ll give you gut rot as bad as Mr. Boston’s Melon Liqueur, which consists of no less than 1,000 grams of sugar per ounce.  And somehow this ended-up being less a “countdown” and more just a numbered list, it seems…

Presentation:  8.0

Louche:  6.75

Taste: 3.25

Value:  1.25

Overall:  2.0 (Not an Average)

Posted 7/16/2008